It’s been months. I am miserably the most inconsistent person you’ll ever meet. I had hoped to write and post more of my stories this year. A lot may have happened but still, I had so much time on my hands. I wonder what happened.
In my head, all things play out fine. I get to list all the things I ought to do, mentally. But when it comes to reality, all goes down the drain. I am such a failure at times.
Don’t get me wrong, I maybe sad and angry at myself. Regretful even. That doesn’t mean I should lose hope. It can be really hard and daunting at times, you know. I’ve come to realize this side of myself a long time ago. I quit halfway through something good. I tend to undermine my own skills and talents at times because of the past, that hangs like a huge, dark and heavy chandelier over my head and instead of glimmering crystals, all I see are shards of regret and downfalls.
I’ve actually decided – multiple times – that I am going to change. I did change. But only for a short while. I don’t know if there’s ever a cure for this. If I’ll be able to surpass such dull and pitiful phase of my life every time it happens.
It’s a good thing I find solace in tomorrow. As long as I get to open my eyes after a night’s sleep, I guess that’s a sign that there’s still a chance for change. I am constantly hoping that any day, that catalyst that I’ve been waiting for will show up. Light up that part of me that’s been drowning in darkness. Maybe, I’m wrong. For waiting for something like this to happen but I feel like that’s all I have, if nothing else. Hope.
Indeed, I’ll never lose hope and tomorrow’s another day.